Every year, Holt awards scholarships to three adoptees graduating high school and planning to pursue further education. This year, we announced an additional $1,000 scholarship to be awarded to an adoptee who is pursuing their dream career in a traditionally underfunded field of study. The Hope Scholarship is generously sponsored by Holt adoptee Mareyuna, who followed her dreams to become a veterinarian, and Mareyuna’s family. Mareyuna and her family felt called to help other adoptees like her who are drawn to a profession that has limited scholarship opportunities available.

Congratulations to Haley Havens, who won Holt’s first Hope Adoptee Scholarship after submitting the following poem:

 Statement: The following poem was created to express the internal wounds that are oftentimes reopened when people question adoptees’ history. Adoption oftentimes leads to lots of questioning. This poem represents what I wished others knew happens in my mind when they ask me questions, while also showing the struggle of a conflicted identity. I hope to shed some light on the complex and vulnerable life of an adoptee. 

Where are you from?

A question I have heard many times. Where am I from? A question that has many ties. Truthfully, I was born elsewhere, in the country of Guatemala, full of despair. While I was only an infant, it is still a part of me. While I may not remember, I believe it is still my history. Yet, this question always causes me to freeze, because I am unsure what the right answer is for me. I have lived in America my entire life, or so it seems. Except for the four months when my life was unknowingly ripping at the seams. As a baby, I have no way of knowing how it felt. So many lives impacted by someone who can’t even remember the cards they were dealt. Well, I was born in Guatemala, I start to say. I lived there for a few months, before going my separate way. I was adopted by a loving family, who is all I’ve ever known. They saved me from poverty and loved me as their own.

Well what about your birth mother?

Another question I tend to hear. What about her? Any memory of her is more distant than near. I never really thought about her much till now. Then I went searching for answers I didn’t necessarily want to know about. Digging up my past disrupted my peace. I was losing my sense of tranquility. I have never met her, nor seen a picture. To me, she wasn’t anything more than my birth giver. There was a lady out there with my face and half my DNA. I started to spiral, wondering should I be feeling a certain way? I began to search and search, hoping to find answers. Digging up information I probably wasn’t ready for. Well, my mother gave me up for a better life, I would say. She saw me for a few weeks, before going her separate way. I was adopted by a loving family, who is all I’ve ever known. I became their daughter and they love me as their own.

Well what about your brother? Is he your real one?

Oh great, now my brother is in the picture. Is he my real one? What type of definition do they figure? While it is true, he is from Guatemala just like me. We don’t necessarily have a biological history. Sure, maybe we aren’t related by blood. But neither is any part of my family, So what’s the difference if he is loved? He’s just like me, been here since he was an infant. If he were to ask for help, I’d be there in an instant. Well, we are not biologically related, I say. But he is my brother, no matter the way. He was adopted by a loving family, who is all he’s ever known. He became my brother, and we love him as our own.

Okay, well have you gone back? Tried to reconnect?

A complicated question. Should I have visited by now? It’s a difficult topic for me to mention. It’s hard to process feelings without showing guilt. Why should I think about the past when my family is fulfilled. Wanting to learn about my past, feels like a burden. It feels like I’m hurting someone, no matter the choices. I understand that adoption is part of my story. And that reconnecting with my culture is important. Well, I haven’t visited yet, I begin to say. But I hope I can someday. It’s a little difficult venturing into the unknown. Especially when I have a family that loves me as my own. Questions have surrounded me all my life. Questions that sometimes feel like a cut with a knife. Questions that make me start to think. Questions that cause my wellbeing to sink. I enjoy sharing my story with the world. But when questions approach me, I begin to fold. Harmless thoughts that people think to ask I don’t necessarily mind them; It’s more so the aftermath that makes me reflect back. I don’t always have the answers, but I’m learning day by day. Being adopted is my beginning, not what stands in my way.

Haley Havens is a Guatemalan adoptee entering her second year at the University of Texas at Austin. She is pursuing an honors degree in advanced human development and family sciences, while also hoping to complete two pre-health related certificates. She hopes to one day become a genetic counselor to help others better understand their genes. “I was adopted from Guatemala at 4 months old, which sparked my initial interest in genetics,” Haley writes. “I found it fascinating how everybody could know their ancestry simply from their DNA, however I didn’t have much information regarding my own genealogy. What started as curiosity about DNA and ancestry has grown into a passion for supporting others as they navigate their own genetic stories.”

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Every year, Holt awards scholarships to three adoptees graduating high school and planning to pursue further education. We ask them to submit work based around a question or theme relating to the adoptee experience and encourage them to interpret the prompt creatively — whether through an essay, digital art or any other form that inspires them. This year, applicants responded to the prompt, “What is one thing you wish your family, friends or society knew about the adoptee experience?”

For her submission, Lily Rose Macaluso wrote the following poem:

“Those lips, those eyes,” her mother would say, Always took her breath away. From first glance, he loved me so, His forever girl to love and grow. 

They flew across the ocean far and wide, To claim their daughter by their side. Our family complete — my two brothers and I — A house full of laughs and an occasional cry. 

Our love grew strong, like entwined vines, Adoption and biology — just blended lines. “You don’t look like your parents,” some would speak, Echoes linger, soft yet deep. 

These words so simple yet pierced my heart, A subtle stab at my different start. “Where is your real mom?” kids would ask, As if switching moms was a simple task. 

She’s the one who kissed my scraped-up knees, And always embraced me with a warm, tight squeeze. The woman who sang me to sleep every night — Is somehow less real? Is somehow less right? 

They compare my eyes, my skin, my face, Trying to make sense of my family, my place. But family is more than physicality; It shapes our truth, our shared reality. 

So, when you notice that I look different, Know our bond is deep and significant. And when you ask, “Where is your real dad and mom?” Know that they’ve been by my side all along. 

A love so endless, so true, so strong — They are my anchor. They are where I belong. 

Lily Macaluso was adopted from China at 15 months old in 2008, joining her loving family in New Jersey. During high school, Lily was an active student who played on the tennis team and participated in a variety of extracurricular activities. Beyond school, Lily embraced her community — working as a camp counselor and scooping ice cream at a local shop. She also enjoyed babysitting for neighborhood families, quickly becoming a trusted helper to younger kids. Lily is now a student at Florida Gulf Coast University, where she is majoring in exercise science with plans to pursue a career as a physical therapist.

See this year’s other winning Holt Adoptee Scholarship submissions!

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The post Where I Belong: A Poem by Holt Adoptee Scholarship Winner appeared first on Holt International.

On the way home from Korea, I watched a movie called August Rush. It is one I had seen many years ago but had always loved the themes. (Spoiler alert if you haven’t seen it.) A child of musicians ends up in a boys’ home. He is always waiting for his parents to come for him and believes he hears them in the sound of the music he hears everywhere. He is made fun of for this. At some point he runs away and becomes a street musician, earning money for a bad person. He somehow finds himself at Juilliard as a child prodigy but is brought back to the street life by the bad person. But at the end he follows the music he keeps hearing and is eventually reunited with his parents at a concert in the park.

I never really understood why this movie spoke to me so much. And then I went to Korea on the Holt Heritage Tour. As a Korean adoptee I had always grown up with something that felt like a hole in my heart. It was not something I could explain. But I just knew that I was always looking and chasing after something. And when I made it to Korea, I felt this hole start to close.

It was not because I found my birth parents. That did not happen. I’m not sure it ever will. Even though I registered my DNA at the police station in Seoul (arranged by Holt). What I did find was a community. Others who were searching and trying to fill a hole just like me.

As I wrote in my blog, I had a popcorn moment. The Chinese and Korean way of making popcorn involves heating up kernels in a small metal popcorn container until it’s hot enough. Then releasing the steam and allowing the corn to pop all at once into a bag. I felt like my questions and pent-up emotions exploded and popped while on this trip to Korea.

All of the fellow adoptees on the trip had searched for these answers. Some starting the search early in their lives, others like myself beginning this journey of discovery much later. However, even though I was not actively looking as a young person, I always wondered about my birth family and my country of birth. My adoptive parents were not bad people, but they were different from my birth parents, not educated in Korean culture or the challenges of adoption. And they definitely did not understand the difficulty of being a Korean child in America. I knew this. I was reminded constantly because I did not look like any of my family members. I did not have the same color hair or skin. Other children were cruel at times and made fun of me. And although I know now that much of that was a learned racial ignorance that came from their parents, it still hurt.

I knew I did not feel like I belonged where I was. Thus, this journey. I tried to fill my heart hole with friends, family members, marriage, work, my own children, books, hobbies, etc. And although all these things provided something temporary, there was always something missing.

After I had my girls, I realized I had something all “my own.” Children who looked a bit like me. Had features like mine. Skin like mine. Hair like mine. As I fell in love with these girls, I started wondering how my birth mother could have made the decision to abandon me. But I was busy and my children needed me, so I just paused these questions.

However, as the feelings of abandonment and loneliness kept coming up for me, I went through intensive therapy. I started reading books about Korean adoptees such as “The Seed From The East,” an autobiography of Bertha Holt who — together with her husband, Harry Holt — started the Holt adoption agency which I was adopted through, and “I Wish For You a Beautiful Life,” which was a compilation of letters from birth mothers to the children they had given up for adoption. And articles such as “The Surprising Facts Behind Korean Child Abandonment,” which was published in the Huffington Post in 2017, “The Value and Meaning of the Korean Family,” published by the Asia Society, and “Group Resists Korean Stigma for Unwed Mothers,” in the New York Times.

It was through some of this research I started hearing about how difficult it was for young unwed mothers in Korea. And even if they were married, if they were poor, if they had a girl, they might give her up in hopes of having a boy. Even to the point that the baby could be thrown away. I was told by my adoptive parents that if I had been in an orphanage at five, I could possibly have ended up on the streets, so I needed to be grateful that I was adopted.

I did find out on this trip that the “aging out at five” was not true. However, Korea was not ready to handle all the babies and young children that were abandoned since the Korean War. Thus began international adoptions. If Korea wouldn’t accept these children domestically, there were families in other countries wanting a child and willing to accept a foreign child.

Post adoption services are critical, but when an adoptive family does not understand or is not willing to recognize the need for this support system, it creates an angst that the child must live with. This angst caused the hole in my heart to continue to grow. In the book “The Body Keeps the Score,” Bessel van der Kolk talks about how post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) impacts the body both physically and emotionally. Abandonment, moving multiple times in my formative years, and learning different languages and cultures were all things that caused trauma for me. I know I have experienced what trauma does to the body firsthand. Including unhealthy attachments because I was always chasing after love.

So, at the recommendation of my counselor, I wrote my own origin story. One based on my research. I also got a tattoo that said beloved daughter. I got this as a reminder that I know in my heart my birth mother loved me. And there was also never a time when God had not loved me, even when I ignored Him and walked away. I was always loved.

With this, I realized that the next step of the journey was to go back to Korea. To see if there was anything that I would connect to. That opportunity came when I saw an email from Holt International in September of 2024 announcing their Holt Heritage Tour in 2025. With the sale of our home in Oregon and move to Texas, there was a lot going on, but my husband and I also realized that I wasn’t getting any younger and this might be the best opportunity for me to go. I put my deposit down and started blogging about my feelings leading up to this next step in my journey.

I did not immediately remember things when I got off the plane in Korea. I did not recognize certain sites. Nothing looked or smelled familiar or like home.

What I did find was a sense of belonging. I found some answers to questions that I didn’t even know I had. Answers that started to fill that hole in my heart. I found a connection with other adoptees who had similar experiences to mine. And as I talked with the other Korean adoptees on the trip, I found that hole getting smaller and smaller. These fellow adoptees who may have had different journeys, but all found ourselves in Korea at this exact moment.

The emotions I felt just walking up to the Holt Korean Agency in Seoul. Those emotions were leaking out everywhere and I didn’t even know why. But having the hands and arms of other adoptees come around me to hold me, letting me know they understood, and it was ok was like having a family. It was the heaviest of days.

Even though there was precious little in my file, just hearing a post-adoption social worker provide some explanations filled the hole up further. Learning the name Park Soo Yung (박수영) was very likely given to me by my birth mother. Realizing that the birth story I had written, was possibly very close to the truth and that my birth mother loved me so much that she made a sacrificial decision. A decision filled with hope and trust that I would have a much better life than she could provide all just continued to fill that hole in my heart.

The tour included visiting different temples and learning about the history and culture of Korea. This included lesson about the different dynasties as well as the Korean War from our awesome tour guide.

I went to the top of Seoul Tower with a group of 10 others. Most people that know me will not be surprised that I got us a little lost on the way back. Or like my dad used to say, we took the scenic detour. We even saw the love bugs that were in the news and NO, we did not love them. But we did see the love locks as well. There was even a couple in our party that put a lock on.

Going to the Holt Ilsan Center was also full of emotion. This was where I stayed from September of 1969 to April of 1970 when I came to the US. On the wall was a picture of Harry Holt, made up of hundreds or thousands of pictures of adoptees. I also got to see a picture of what the building I likely stayed in looked like at that time.

Jeju Island, which is like the Hawaii of Korea, is beautiful and very tropically hot. Not only was there a beach, but there was a climb to the top of Sunrise Peak as well as exploring a lava tube. The lava tube was 20-30 degrees cooler. But the hike made up for it. I was soaked by the time I got to the top. We were blessed to have sun the entire time we were on Jeju Island. Something that isn’t a guarantee this time of year.

Seeing the site of the orphanage in Busan where I spent the first 3 1/2 years of my life made me feel like I was back in Oregon. I blogged about seeing the reindeer outside of this orphanage. Putting my feet in the water in Busan and seeing the Jalgachi Market (lots of live fish) were all experiences I appreciated. Many did try the live squid. I may or may not have tried it. Busan is definitely a place I will come back to.

We got to visit another temple in Gyeongju and learn more about the history and culture of Korea as well as see some ancient tombs and artifacts.

Probably one of the most meaningful experiences happened at the Holt Morning Garden women’s shelter in Daejeon. We got to hear the amazing story of the work done at this facility as well as celebrate their 20th anniversary. This was also where I got to visually see my name painted in calligraphic Hangul on a fan. And because I had previously received the blessing of owning my name and then learning the meaning of my name, another part of the hole in my heart was filled.

It was a very sobering moment to visit the DMZ. To see what humans are capable of doing to each other.

Attending a baseball game was a very unique experience. They have cheerleaders and cheers and the fans know them all. It was like being at a concert for hours. Apparently they like their fried squid about as much as Americans like their hot dogs.

I also loved wandering around and seeing the sights and sounds of Seoul and taking it all in. Oddly enough, on the last day, I actually had another foreigner ask me for directions and I was able to help her. So it’s like I’m almost a native Korean.

And the food. If I ever had any doubt I would not like the food or might not have enough, it was clear on day one that would not be an issue. So much Korean BBQ, rice, kimchee and all the other banchan (side dishes) including a favorite Japchae. And it was all family style, just like I wondered about before coming on the trip.

However, the piece that is making me feel like I am returning home as a whole person are the precious friends I have made. Lifetime friends who have the common bond of being adoptees from Korea. Some have found their birth families, many have not. But we found each other. And even though they don’t replace my adoptive family or my birth family, they add to that family. And for that I am so grateful. Seeing all these lovely people in their hanboks at the final dinner was amazing.

So, I go back to August Rush. The sound of the New York Philharmonic orchestra. Where all the musical instruments and sections have a part and without each one, the music is missing something. This boy found his family. My life has been a symphony. One that God has orchestrated and one where every single part of the journey has brought me here and let me know that The Detour really was the road to this place where I have started to feel whole and healed.

Susie Bechtle-Mason | Lago Vista, Texas

Read Susie’s further reflections on her trip to Korea in her blog “One Korean Adoptee’s Heritage Journey“

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The post Coming Home: One Adoptee’s Journey to Korea appeared first on Holt International.

It was a night of celebration — filled with smiles, warm embraces and tears. Women in elegant hanbok were honored on stage for their years of service — some retiring after more than 30 years of caring for foster children.

The foster mothers event in Korea drew hundreds this past December. Although an annual event, this would be the final one.

After 60 years, the Holt foster care program is turning the page to its final chapter, as it transitions to the Korean government in July 2025.

One foster mother, receiving an award for 10 years of service, shared, “Together, we faced the joys and challenges of caring for adorable babies, endured the pain of farewells and grew stronger as a family. When I first brought a baby home, I was overwhelmed by fears and doubts, wondering if I could do it well. But the moment the baby gave me a radiant smile, all my worries melted away. As they [say of babies], their mom is their whole world. Every moment spent being the whole world to these children, whether for three months or over 30 months, has been a precious memory etched in my heart.”

As the evening honored the women who have poured their hearts into the children they cared for, it also marked a poignant moment to reflect on the rich, six-decade history of Holt’s foster care program in Korea.

The Origins of Foster Care in Korea

In the aftermath of the Korean War, Harry Holt dedicated his life to caring for children left orphaned or abandoned. Many of the children coming into care at the time were malnourished and suffering from severe deprivation. Even with the best medical care, food and care from nannies, many children continued to fade — as if they had lost the will to live.

Harry believed that children needed familial love — especially a mother’s love — to give them the encouragement, nurturing and strength to live. Each child needed to feel valued and know their life mattered to someone.

When a sick infant came into care, Harry sometimes carried the child under his shirt, against his chest, so they could feel his heartbeat.

Research supports this practice, showing that skin-to-skin contact between children and their caregivers significantly improves well-being, increases the chances of recovery from illness and aids in the development of healthy attachment and bonding.

After Harry’s sudden passing in 1964, the staff in Korea began to consider how to meet the needs of each child in their care, wanting each one to know they were loved.

Holt Foster Care: A Model Around the World

In 1965, Holt established the first wide-scale foster care program in Korea.

“It started as a response to seeing what the children needed and trying to figure out how best to be able to provide for that need,” Paul Kim, Holt’s program director of Korea and son of David Kim, says. “Except for those children with specific needs that could not be best met in foster care, nearly every child placed in Holt’s care [for adoption over the past 60 years] was in foster care prior to being placed with their permanent adoptive family.”

Holt pioneered foster care as a more nurturing alternative to institutional care, keeping its mission at the center: a world where every child has a loving, secure home. Holt foster families were trained to provide what children frequently miss out on when they grow up in institutional care: the one-on-one attention and nurturing care they need to reach critical developmental milestones — and ultimately, form healthy emotional attachments. Their ability to attach to caregivers also laid the foundation for children to bond with their adoptive families. Always meant to be temporary, Holt’s model of foster care paved the way for children to thrive in permanent, loving homes.

Holt’s foster care model has since been recognized by UNICEF as best practice for children in care and replicated throughout the world. “The foster care system in Korea became a model for deinstitutionalization for every other program that we’ve had,” Paul explains. “The foster care programs in India, Thailand, the Philippines, China, etc., can all find their roots in the Korean system.”

Fostering in Communities

But foster care didn’t take hold immediately in Korea.

Like many countries in the Far East, Korea has a communal culture where bloodlines were — and still are — deeply valued. The idea of taking in a child on a temporary basis was a new concept.

But as time went on, communities began to see how fostering children was something truly special.

“The easiest recruitment method was actually other families seeing the joy that these families were getting out of fostering these children,” Paul says.“We had many … clusters of foster families in certain neighborhoods and also multigenerational foster families.”

As word spread and communities saw families loving children as their own, fostering began to catch on.

Interested families were screened through Holt, and if accepted, underwent training and received visits from social workers. After placement, families returned to the Holt office several times a year for check-ins to monitor children’s health and development. Babies received monthly wellness checks, and with the support of sponsors and donors, Holt provided subsidies for clothing, food, formula and medical care.

“A lot of these families ended up spending so much of their own money for the care of these children, beyond any type of subsidy or support Holt provided,” Paul says. Wanting to ensure their needs were fully met, foster families welcomed each child with great love, giving generously of their time and resources to nurture and care for them.

Saying Goodbye and Starting Again

Foster parents and children bond deeply in Holt’s foster care program — so much so that at the start of the program, many foster families didn’t return to foster again. It was too painful to say goodbye to another child they had grown attached to.

Paul recounts a particularly striking memory of a foster mother saying goodbye to her foster child.

“The foster mom was just sobbing, holding her face with one hand. But she’s staring into the bus, puts her hand up against the window, trying to touch her child one last time and the bus slowly starts to move away,” Paul remembers. “She’s running alongside it with her hand on the window. And finally, as [I] look back, she just stops, turns around and just collapses to the ground with an empty baby carrier.”

“You just understand that, wow, this child was loved,” he continues. “And these are the families you want, because they’re the ones who, without reservation, give all their love and attach to the kids. These are the ones who say, ‘Oh, I’ll never do it again.’ But they come back and say, ‘Okay, I’m ready again.’”

The need for fostering continues, as every child deserves the love and care of a family. Whenever it is in the best interest of the child, we champion family strengthening and reunification efforts in Korea and in other countries. We are also committed to advocating for the thousands of children left in institutional care — without the love and care that every child needs to thrive. Fostering ensures that children are given the nurturing, one-on-one care they need, while waiting to be adopted domestically or reunited with birth family.

Remembering Each Face

Some of these incredible families fostered for years — some continuously for 35 years, fostering over 100 children.

But foster mothers remember each face.

“If you talk to these foster moms and you mention a child, she’ll say, ‘I remember her — when I used to bathe her, she would sing little songs,’” Paul says, smiling. “If an adoptive family comes back to Korea and they have an opportunity to meet [their child’s foster mom], she’ll tell them all about what they were like as a baby.”

Through the years, Holt has facilitated countless foster mother-adoptee reunions, often through heritage tours, whether in Korea or other countries.  Foster mothers have also traveled to the United States on occasion. Some escorted children to their adoptive families, before that practice ended in favor of families traveling to unite with their child in their birth country. Others traveled to attend annual Holt picnics. In these cases, some adoptive families flew across the U.S. to meet foster mothers — even if only to meet for a couple of hours.

“[For many adoptees], the longest, most meaningful relationship they’ve had prior to being adopted was the care that they received from their foster family,” Paul says. “When you convey back to an adoptee, ‘let me tell you something about your foster family,’ that cements in their heart that they were loved and cared for.”

Many Lives Touched

When a child lives with a foster family in Korea, a child truly experiences what it’s like to have an entire family caring for them. Each child’s foster family may include a mother, father, siblings, grandparents and other extended family.

“We talk about foster moms, but without the support of the entire family, [foster care] is not possible,” Paul says.

Often, when the bittersweet day arrives for a family to say goodbye to their foster child in Korea, Paul says it’s not uncommon for the whole family to be there — except the father.

“The foster dads would most often decline to come because they were ashamed to be crying in public — to say goodbye to that child that they loved so much,” Paul says.

This deep sense of love and devotion to caring for children is exactly what has made the foster care program in Korea so profound.

Hope for the Transition

In mid-July 2025, all intercountry adoption processes — domestic and intercountry adoption, child intake, foster care and post adoption services — will transition to the Korean government.

In anticipation of the upcoming changes, Paul says he hopes that Holt’s foster care model can continue to be a beacon of light for caring for children outside of institutions.

“I am wondering if a government can instill the same sense of devotion and compassion in the foster families as Holt has been able to do,” Paul says. “I’m hopeful that the level of care and understanding [of] the children’s needs will not significantly change.  And [I’m] understanding that this is an important, interim step. This should not be seen as an end in itself, but as simply a transition — an important one — for the children as we find a permanent family for them.”

Fortunately, for children who are already in process for adoption, the Korean government has said they will complete the entire process, keeping each child with the foster family they’ve already been with.

Paul hopes that the government will prioritize the needs of the children first, particularly for young children who may be reassigned to a different foster family after living with one family for most of their lives. He also hopes that even after the adoption has been completed that the government will continue to maintain open communication and contact with each child’s birth parents, in hopes that family reunification in the future can happen.

In light of the changes to come, Paul says it’s important to remember this: “These changes are coming about not as some sort of bureaucratic exercise, but because the Korean government truly believes that what they are doing is in the best interest of the children, and the change in system is meant to better ensure that children’s rights and interests are protected.”

While this cornerstone of Holt’s work in Korea is changing, what will remain is our commitment to children and families in need in Korea. Alongside Holt Korea, our in-country partner, Holt International is committed to assisting children and families at risk of separation, advocating and serving children with disabilities, uplifting single-parent families, empowering youth aging out of institutional care and so much more.

A Legacy of Love

Over the course of 60 years, thousands of foster families have joined in the mission of helping children thrive in the love and stability of a family.

Each December, Holt has honored foster mothers in Korea for each five years of service. Each one receives an award for five years of fostering and is recognized with a special ceremony when they retire.

“It’s just remarkable and always impacts me every time I witness it. It’s not just a job to them,” Paul says of the foster mothers honored at the event this past December. “The love and care that the foster moms have for the children they cared for has not changed in six decades. You can see that the love and devotion were just the same and just as strong.”

During the December 2024 event, a special ceremony was held to honor five foster mothers as they retired. In total, 25 women were recognized, with some celebrated for their five years of service and others for up to 30 years.

Dan Smith, Holt International President and CEO, took a moment to address the foster mothers at the event, sharing these words of gratitude: “I hope you understand how your love for children has impacted others. When I think about how many children foster mothers have cared for, and the number of times those children were able to share their love with others, that love has touched hundreds of thousands, or even millions of people on this earth … When you share love with a child, and that child shares love with others, we truly make the world a better place — more loving, more compassionate and caring. This is why we celebrate foster mothers today. Thank you for sharing your love with others … It’s the love that we share with others that makes the world a better place.”

As this chapter closes for Holt, we honor the thousands of foster families who have served with love — each moment a precious memory etched in the hearts of those who share in this 60-year legacy.

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On Friday, April 25, nearly 30 Holt staff, board members, adoptees and members of the Holt family gathered for a special event celebrating the book “His Eye is on the Sparrow” by David and Ani Pearman, published in July 2024.

Holt President and CEO Dan Smith opened the event by sharing how he discovered David and Ani’s book.

One day he walked into his office to find a thick, brown envelope on his desk with the name ‘D. Pearman’ scribbled across the front. Curious, he opened the package.

“Inside was a lovely book,” Dan said, smiling at David and Ani.

Cared for by Holt

As a child with polio, David stayed at Holt’s Ilsan Center in Korea — a nurturing care home founded by Harry and Bertha Holt in the mid-1960s for children with disabilities — until joining an adoptive family in 1971. It was at Ilsan that he met Molly Holt, Harry and Bertha’s daughter and a nurse who devoted her life to caring for children with special needs.

Molly could be called the Mother Teresa of Korea for what she had done for the Korean orphans. She devoted her life to caring and advocating for the unwanted children — orphaned or abandoned. She defended the most forgotten, those with developmental problems or physical needs like my handicap from polio. She loved us like her own children, but she knew if the organization could match us with loving families who would adopt us, we would thrive even better.

His Eye is on the Sparrow, pg. 62

In his book, David shares his powerful journey of resilience and faith in his search for identity as an adoptee. He reflects not only on Molly Holt’s lasting impact but also on another of Holt’s early founders, Dr. David Kim, whose kindness and guidance left a profound mark on his life.

Celebrating an Adoptee’s Story

It was a moving and memorable event — full of connection and a few tears as David read emotional excerpts from the book.

“These are tears of joy, really,” David said as he read Jeremiah 29:11, reflecting on his departure from Ilsan at the age of 10. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope.”

David read excerpts from the book, tracing his journey from life at Holt’s Ilsan Center to his arrival in the United States to join his adoptive family — a mix of joyful and heart-wrenching moments.

One afternoon when I was attending my watermelon garden, a significant event happened. I saw a tiny bird fall from a tree. It was a brown and beige bird like a sparrow. He cried out in pain, and I could see his wing was hurt badly. I could see he was trying to breathe in and out. Compassion for the helpless hurt bird overtook me. I reached down to pick up the sparrow … caring for the sparrow would later display important values in my life.

His Eye is on the Sparrow, pg. 56

Reception by the Holt Community

Robert Holt and Suzanne (Holt) Peterson, son and daughter of Harry and Bertha Holt, came to the event, along with Nancy Kim, wife of David Kim, who passed away in January 2018 at the age of 86.

“I enjoyed this — it was wonderful,” Suzanne said of the event.

The book was well received by many, including Nancy.

“I couldn’t stop reading,” Nancy said after David finished reading from his book. “I want to give [copies] to my children, grandchildren and some of my church members.”

Nancy was by David Kim’s side throughout his lifelong service to orphaned and vulnerable children. The first employee Harry Holt hired in Korea, David’s dedication to the Holt mission later led him to serve as Holt’s CEO and President for 10 years. Nancy shared about his efforts to help build Ilsan Center in Korea alongside Harry Holt, expressing how meaningful the book was to her — it brought her back to those early days.

“It was totally moving,” Nancy said, looking at David and Ani. “I admire you so much.”

Reflecting on His Journey

“His Eye is on the Sparrow” invites readers to explore themes of identity, belonging, adversity and disability and to consider the power of faith and forgiveness.

“There are many things which can apply to many people,” David said as he reflected on what he wants readers to take away from the book. “For me, God had a plan. The book ‘His Eye is on the Sparrow’ is so good in that the bird, like in the orphanage, is for a purpose. He cares for the fallen bird, as I cared for the fallen bird. God even more cares for us — whatever we’re going through … God has a purpose behind it. And if we trust Him and we open up our hearts to him and to other people around us, that will be a good thing.”

“I just believe that all these things happened for a purpose,” David continued. “It takes time to forgive, but if we just have that willingness to change, to be open to God and to people around us, we will know our purpose and identity.”

Readers can buy David’s book online from various retailers, including Kharis Publishing.

Learn more about Holt’s work and history!

At Holt International, we help children thrive in the love and stability of a family. But our services extend far beyond the adoption work we are known for.

learn about holt

The post Adoptee Book Event Held at Holt Headquarters appeared first on Holt International.

In 2024, we asked adoptees to submit a creative work responding to the prompt, “What is the one thing you want to tell parents starting the adoption process, and how would this advice have impacted your adoption journey?”

This topic was chosen by adoptee professionals who work on Holt’s post-adoption services team. They chose this prompt in order to offer adoptees creative freedom in a safe environment to tell their story and describe their adoption journey. We were moved and impressed by all of the adoptee submissions!

Adoption is a wonderful thing that is born from loss. The loss of birth family and culture needs to be grieved, and this can look different for every adoptee.

Rosy Tate was adopted from China and is now a student at Mount Holyoke College in Massachusetts. She hopes to use her higher education to become involved in the adoptee community and continue her adoption journey.

Here is an excerpt from her winning essay:

I encourage adoptive parents to be patient with their children as they navigate their adoption journey. For me, coming to terms with my adoption took some time. It was not until high school that I became willing to talk about my adoption openly. Moving to a diverse area certainly helped me realize the value of my Asian identity, while also pushing me to evaluate my adoptee identity. It is important to remember that adoption is traumatic. Adoption is a wonderful thing that is born from loss. The loss of birth family and culture needs to be grieved, and this can look different for every adoptee.

To sum it up, my main pieces of advice would be: try to incorporate birth culture into your adoptee’s life, be willing to talk about adoption, be educated on the implications of adoption, be willing to move to a diverse area, seek out the adoptee community, hold space for birth family and culture, and be patient with your adoptee.

Did you know our team provides support to all Holt adoptees?

Every adoptee has a unique and complex life experience. Our team strives to support all Holt adoptees, by providing help with birth search, citizenship and more.

adoptee support

The post 2024 Holt Adoptee Scholarship Winner: Rosy Tate appeared first on Holt International.

Congratulations to the 2024 Holt Adoptee Scholarship Contest winners — Jayden Waggoner, Rosy Tate and Shaelynn Pelusio.

In 2024, we asked adoptees to submit a creative work responding to the prompt, “What is the one thing you want to tell parents starting the adoption process, and how would this advice have impacted your adoption journey?”

This topic was chosen by adoptee professionals who work on Holt’s post-adoption services team. They chose this prompt in order to offer adoptees creative freedom in a safe environment to tell their story and describe their adoption journey. We were moved and impressed by all of the adoptee submissions!

Deliberately left in a state of chaos, the piece mirrors the confusing journey of growing up as an adoptee.

Jayden Waggoner was adopted from China. She currently attends Oregon State University, where she plans to major in psychology. Jayden chose to answer the prompt by creating a piece of artwork and describes its significance below.

Here is her response:

The legend of 1,000 cranes has always inspired me. Throughout my childhood, I wished to connect with my birth parents, a wish intertwined with my love for folding cranes. In making this artwork, each crane holds significance. The largest one bears the word “Adoption,” symbolizing the central theme. Medium-sized cranes carry questions and comments I’ve encountered repeatedly, while the smaller ones feature words encapsulating the adoptee experience. Deliberately left in a state of chaos, the piece mirrors the confusing journey of growing up as an adoptee.

This artwork serves as a portrayal of the adoptee experience — its complexity and challenges. Zooming in reveals intricate details, representing the tough days where details dominate, while zooming out offers a broader perspective, representing the easier days or the entire journey.

Reflecting on my own journey, I would advise prospective parents starting the adoption process to brace themselves for difficult days and simply provide unwavering support. Adoption is inherently intricate, and sometimes, the most meaningful support involves empathetically navigating our emotions and building safe spaces for their expression. Such validation and support would have significantly eased my emotional journey and fostered a greater sense of connection with adoption from a younger age.

Did you know our team provides support to all Holt adoptees?

Every adoptee has a unique and complex life experience. Our team strives to support all Holt adoptees, by providing help with birth search, citizenship and more.

adoptee support

The post 2024 Holt Adoptee Scholarship Winner: Jayden Waggoner appeared first on Holt International.

In 2024, we asked adoptees to submit a creative work responding to the prompt, “What is the one thing you want to tell parents starting the adoption process, and how would this advice have impacted your adoption journey?”

This topic was chosen by adoptee professionals who work on Holt’s post-adoption services team. They chose this prompt in order to offer adoptees creative freedom in a safe environment to tell their story and describe their adoption journey. We were moved and impressed by all of the adoptee submissions!

Shaelynn Pelusio was adopted from Korea at 6 months of age. She is currently enrolled at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey, where she is majoring in social work and minoring in psychology. Upon graduation, Shaelynn intends to earn a master’s degree in social work and pursue a career in counseling, disability services or child welfare.

Here is the essay she wrote in response to the prompt:

I am Shaelynn Pelusio. I was adopted at six months of age from Seoul, South Korea, through Holt International. Thanks to my adoption, I live in New Jersey and grew up on the shore with my mom, dad and two brothers, who were both also adopted from South Korea through Holt. My family is near picture-perfect. We had annual trips to Disney World, and even now still go as all of us have reached adulthood. We had nightly family time, in which we collected on the couches and watched the same cooking and reality competition shows, with the occasional sitcom sprinkled in. We’d inevitably talk through them all, favoring each other’s company over the entertainment, and have to rewind every few minutes to catch the parts we missed.

I attribute the majority of my personality traits and ambitions to the teachings of my mother, father and brothers. They are everything to me, and had it not been for my adoption, I wouldn’t have them and would undoubtedly be a completely different person than I am now.

We had game night every few months, in which we would humor each other with vulgar jokes and fill the space with nothing but boisterous laughter. We have inside jokes and traditions we’ve forged together through our tight bonds. Through the business of work and education, we intentionally carve out time for each other. I attribute the majority of my personality traits and ambitions to the teachings of my mother, father and brothers. They are everything to me, and had it not been for my adoption, I wouldn’t have them, and would undoubtedly be a completely different person than I am now.

There are two pieces of advice I would give parents starting the adoption process, one of which my parents excelled at, and one of which I wish my parents prioritized more. First, ensure you celebrate your child’s adoption. My parents raised me to be comfortable with my adoption. We celebrated my Gotcha Day, the day I came home to them, almost as a birthday. They baked me airplane-shaped cookies to bring to school every year and share with my classmates, and printed a book about my adoption to read to and educate my peers with as we feasted on the themed treats. They took me and my brothers out to our favorite restaurants for dinner on the nights of our Gotcha Days, commemorating the anniversary that we officially became their children.

My parents raised me to be comfortable with my adoption. We celebrated my Gotcha Day, the day I came home to them, almost as a birthday.

They raised us with basic information about our birth parents, and the perspectives that they may have had in giving us up for adoption. They always described my birth mother as brave, and never wavered in affirming that she loved, and still loves, me. She had to love me so, so much in order to make such a tremendous sacrifice for me. She put me up for adoption so that I could have a better life, and that is nothing short of an ultimate act of love. The younger version of myself always had the mental image of her as a superhero, watching over me in the shadows, with a flowing cape and mask concealing her eyes, preserving an unknown identity. My parents fashioned her as a humble protector, with the best intentions for my safety and happiness.

My parents fashioned [my birth mother] as a humble protector, with the best intentions for my safety and happiness.

My parents also never had a savior complex about adopting me and my brothers. They were upfront about wanting children to love and cherish, not to showcase as prizes of their morality. They would snicker at neighbors who called them “good people” for adopting. I never had to question if they adopted me because they wanted to impress our community with some perceived nobility, because their response was always, “We just wanted kids.” Whenever we said “I love you” before going to bed, I would always challenge them. “I love you more,” I’d say. “We love you more,” they’d answer. “And we always will. You will never love us more, because we are your parents.” They never, ever relented to me and my stubborn ways. They always won the fight. Their constant assurance of their love and my birth mother’s love for me resulted in my being comfortable with my adoption. On a conscious level, at least, I have never felt like I had to come to terms with being given up, because my parents always made me feel wanted. I don’t see it as being given up, but rather, being given the greatest blessing of my lifetime.

On a conscious level, at least, I have never felt like I had to come to terms with being given up, because my parents always made me feel wanted.

Second, ensure you celebrate your child’s culture. Admittedly, this is something my parents did not excel at, but I do not blame them for. I was raised in a predominantly white area. I was one of the very few people of color in my high school graduating class. The only other South Korean people I knew were my brothers, or the handful of other Korean adoptees in my town. I was not surrounded by my people, and by extension, not connected to my culture. My parents tried their best. I remember once, when I was in elementary school, my parents packed me and my brothers into the family minivan, and drove up north to a church. They were hosting a Korean event. There were performances and food, and though the displays of dancing and martial arts fascinated me, I was conditioned to eat only chicken nuggets and cheese, and turned my nose up at the kimchi. After that, I don’t believe my parents hauled my brothers and me to another Korean event, though I cannot imagine there were many being held in 2000s New Jersey. As an adult, I regret not being surrounded by my culture more.

I was raised in a predominantly white area. The only other South Korean people I knew were my brothers, or the handful of other Korean adoptees in my town. I was not surrounded by my people, and by extension, not connected to my culture.

I began the journey of reconnecting with my culture four years ago. This journey has primarily been through food, ironically enough. In 2020, I made my first bowl of bibimbap. I used as many substitutes for traditional Korean ingredients as I could — fuji apples in place of Korean pears, spicy mayo in place of gochujang — as the items in stock at my local grocery store were catered to our white neighborhood. Though, that was my first time really feeling a connection to my heritage. Since then, I have learned to make a few other Korean dishes: Korean army stew, bulgogi, tteokbokki, kimchi fried rice. Unfortunately, Korean ingredients aren’t the most accessible to me, so trying new dishes has been a slow process, but an important one, nonetheless.

Since learning how to make various Korean foods, I have felt significantly more in touch with my culture. A piece of me feels missing, as my identity as a Korean woman feels fragile. I do not know the customs, traditions, holidays, norms or language. It feels that I am only Korean through my features. Sometimes, I feel like a fraud. I feel like a white woman inside a Korean woman’s body, just because of the way I was raised. Had I been more involved with my culture growing up, I would not have to embark on this journey as an adult, and I would have a stronger sense of and confidence in my identity. I take pride in being Korean — the culture is rich and beautiful, but that pride does not displace the imposter syndrome, and that culture is “mine” in what feels to be the loosest sense of the term. Had I been raised with my culture, I would have felt more at ease with who I am and where I come from.

I take pride in being Korean — the culture is rich and beautiful, but that pride does not displace the imposter syndrome.

Today, I am an undergraduate social work student at my university, and have ambitions of pursuing my graduate degree and a career in counseling, disability services or child welfare. Maybe all three, if I’m lucky enough. This is my path because of the empathy and value of helping others that was instilled in me through my family, the Pelusios. I am proud to be a Pelusio, and I am proud to be an adoptee. Though I may not be as secure in my identity as a Korean woman, I am secure in my adoption. I have been given the tools to be secure with my adoption, but am currently achieving security with my culture on my own, starting with food as my first step. I hope that my advice of celebrating both adoption and culture can afford a future adoptee the luxury of feeling secure in both areas.

Did you know our team provides support to all Holt adoptees?

Every adoptee has a unique and complex life experience. Our team strives to support all Holt adoptees, by providing help with birth search, citizenship and more.

adoptee support

The post 2024 Holt Adoptee Scholarship Winner: Shaelynn Pelusio appeared first on Holt International.

We are thrilled to announce the winners of the 2024 Holt Adoptee Scholarship Contest!

All three adoptees poured their creativity into the prompt:

“What is the one thing you want to tell parents starting the adoption process, and how would this advice have impacted your adoption journey?”

This topic was chosen by adoptee professionals who work on Holt’s post-adoption services team. They chose this prompt as a way to offer adoptees creative freedom in a safe environment to tell their story and describe their adoption journey.

Jayden Waggoner’s artwork beautifully illustrated the complexity of adoption, while Rosy Tate and Shaelynn Pelusio’s personal essays explored the topic with honesty and depth. Each of these three adoptees displayed incredible vulnerability with their submissions, and we are so grateful to them for sharing their stories!

The winners will each receive $700 to put toward their further education.

Congratulations, winners, and thank you to each and every incredible adoptee who participated!

Did you know our team provides support to all Holt adoptees?

Every adoptee has a unique and complex life experience. Our team strives to support all Holt adoptees, by providing help with birth search, citizenship and more.

adoptee support

The post Congratulations, 2024 Holt Adoptee Scholarship Winners! appeared first on Holt International.

How long have you been going to Holt camp?

I have four full summers under my belt — two in person, two virtual. I’m just back this week for leadership staff, which has been very exciting. It’s been really great to be back in the Holt adoptee community.

Where were you adopted from?

I was adopted from South Korea when I was 8 and a half months old. I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area, California, went to school in Massachusetts, and now I’m back on the West Coast and living in Seattle.

And so you didn’t go to Holt Adoptee Camp growing up?

My parents always offered camp to me, but I had other interests I was pursuing — I did a lot of art camps and cooking camps. I never attended Holt Adoptee Camp as a camper. I went to school for psychology and was looking for something to do over the summer and my mom saw that Holt camp was hiring and so it was the summer after my sophomore year that I started. … It was such a great community and it was my first time being around other adoptees and especially at that age and my time in college, it was a really formative experience for me.

Can you share more about why Holt camp is meaningful for adoptees?

For me, being adopted was always just a fact about myself and about my family. … But coming to Holt camp, it was the first time it was part of my identity. I used to say, “I was adopted” and now I say, “I’m an adoptee, I’m a South Korean adoptee” and that’s something that’s really important to me. …

The connections that I’ve made with staff here are just unbelievable. … It’s nice to have people who have understood my journey, my adoption story, as its changed throughout the years and as I find out more information or as I go through certain life experiences or life milestones … Having a community I can turn to has just truly been life-changing. It sounds really cheesy and clichéd, but it’s so true.

Being a counselor and seeing younger kids at camp, how do you think it would have made a difference in your life had you gone to camp at a younger age?

I think the timeline just would have been sped up a lot faster. I think I would have felt a lot more pride in not just being an adoptee, but being Asian American. For a long time, I was trying to fit myself into being Asian American because of what I saw growing up. I grew up in the Bay Area — very diverse, a big Asian American population. I was trying to fit myself into that mold and I think it wasn’t until coming to Holt camp that I realized my experience is still part of that — part of Asian American culture. …

Seeing the campers now and seeing the support systems that they get to grow up with … Every year, they’re always asking to be in the same cabin groups again and asking if the same counselors are coming back. So having peers who are going through the same things as you as well as having older mentors through older campers or the staff, I think would have been really beneficial.

So you grew up in a big Asian American community, but what about within your family? Were you adopted transracially?

Yep, two white parents, Mom and Dad, love them. My brother is their biological child and my sister was also adopted through Holt and also a South Korean adoptee. We’re all very close. … Growing up it was always just like, this is my family!

Are there things you wish your parents had done to support you in finding your identity?

Korean food and Japanese food are just like super popular right now, which is so cool. We definitely grew up with good Asian food in general, but the experience of having japchae or Korean BBQ — that’s something I didn’t really grow up having, very specific cultural foods that are now super popular.

I will say that they did a really great job. … It was also just really nice having other Asian faces around me growing up and in the school system. Not feeling like an outsider that way. But then I think it created this struggle of wanting to be like my classmates who grew up with a second language at home. They would talk like that at the lunch table and I had no idea what they were saying. So that being an interesting kind of layer to it.

Is feeling like an outsider something that other campers share a lot about? Maybe not all of them grew up in the Bay Area, but in rural areas or small towns where they may have felt more that way?

The more common experience for a lot of Asian adoptees is that they are the only Asian person in their school or in their grade or in their town and how isolating that is. And so, my experience is kind of the opposite — where I grew up with a strong Asian American community around me, but not something that I was integrated in. Or I was still kind of orbiting around and not fully being a participant in. So that was also kind of like an imposter syndrome. So a little bit different, but still that same kind of feeling of isolation and not knowing where to fit in. That can be hard as a kid in school.

Does Holt Adoptee Camp give that opportunity to connect with other adoptees and Asian Americans or kids with the same racial identity?

Yeah, at camp we have themes that we talk about every day. So today was identity — so not just racial identity, but it could be your family identity and your culture around what you do as a family and the hobbies that you like and the sports that you play and the music that you love to listen to. A lot of the things that the campers will bring up is — racial identity is the first one that gets shouted out. It’s so top of mind, especially in those middle age groups — middle school, early high school, it tends to be really on their minds. Starting to see those differences or similarities between their peers.

One concern that has been expressed by some adoptive parents about sending their kids to Holt Adoptee Camp is that their child will be exposed to ideas that create a negative picture of adoption and that it’s going to shape their feeling about their own adoption. Can you share your thoughts on that?

There’s nuance. A lot of adoption in general is seen as a very black and white issue and there’s so many shades of grey. A lot of campers have already expressed those feelings of confusion and maybe guilt for thinking the things they do. I think Holt camp provides the campers a space where they can express these ideas freely and without judgement and empowers them to have the language to identify 1) what they’re feeling, but then 2) how to express it in really healthy ways. I think if the concern is that Holt camp is going to make them think differently about adoption or maybe think negatively about their adoption, in my experience, I’ve seen the exact opposite.

At the end of the week — or after coming here for a several years — there’s so much healing that happens just by attending Holt camp year after year. Being able to grow with your cabinmates and experience your adoption story as its evolving alongside one another … it’s kind of [like releasing] a pressure valve. They’re not holding it all inside, feeling confused and conflicted or guilty. They have people they can talk to and they have people who can validate them in their experience and say, “Yeah, I felt that too…” or “That’s something new for you, but I’m here to hold your hand and walk with you every step of the way while you’re going through that.” There’s been tremendous growth from so many campers.

Are there any other thoughts you want to share with our audience of adoptees and adoptive families?

It sounds really cheesy, but I really can’t imagine my life without Holt camp and without the connections that I’ve made to staff, to campers. I always go home feeling so physically exhausted, but emotionally just so revitalized and just being able to see generations of adoptees come through the camp doors. I’m so excited whenever I see adoptees come in and say, “This is my first time!” I’m like, “I’m so excited you’re here! You’re gonna’ have the best time!” And being able to see returning campers come back and have the best week of their life with their friends that they only get to see once a year, it shows how strong the community is.

Did you know our team provides support to all Holt adoptees?

Every adoptee has a unique and complex life experience. Our team strives to support all Holt adoptees, by providing help with birth search, citizenship and more.

adoptee support

The post The Best Week of Their Lives appeared first on Holt International.