This past year, some of our top stories highlighted milestones we met as an organization, such as the launch of our newest adoption program in South Africa. Others announced significant changes at the organization, most notably the retirement of Susan Cox, Holt vice president of policy and external affairs, after 40 years of dedicated service.

In 2021, we shared about exciting and noteworthy developments that significantly affect our work and the individuals we serve, including the introduction of a new Adoptee Citizenship Act in March and our new partnership with grant-making organization Gift of Adoption in November. Alongside our post adoption team, we also addressed national issues that directly affect the lives of adoptees and adoptive families, such as the rise in attacks on Asian Americans over the past year in the U.S.

As we faced another year of the global COVID-19 pandemic, we shared how our teams both around the world and here in the U.S. have continued the important work they do for children and families. And throughout the year, we shared Q&A interviews with each of our overseas program directors — describing in detail how COVID has uniquely affected children and families in each country, and how Holt sponsors and donors are making a tremendous difference in their lives.

But as always, the stories that most resonated with readers are the human stories — often told by adoptees and adoptive families themselves.

Below, we have compiled our top 15 most-read adoptee, adoptive family and donor impact stories from 2021. We hope you enjoy reading these stories again or discovering them for the first time. Thank you for reading, and thank you for your heart for children and families in need around the world!

Top Adoptee Stories of 2021

Finding My Missing Piece — An Adoptee’s Birth Search Story

Thai Adoptee Taylor Beebe shares her experience with the adoptee birth search process, and how it felt to meet her birth mother for the first time in 20 years.

Holt’s 2021 Adoptee Scholarship Winners

This year, each applicant submitted a creative work framed around the prompt, “What’s in a name? Revealing the stories behind our adoptive names, birth names and nicknames.”

Orchestration: An Excerpt from Saundra Henderson Windom’s Memoir

As a child, Saundra Henderson Windom, née Bang Sun, was unsure where in South Korea she was born, and she never knew her parents—a South Korean woman and a Black American soldier. In her memoir, Windom shares her experiences with conflicting identities and cultural dislocation.

Thoughts on Racism from an Asian American Adoptee Parent

Adoptee Kit Myers shares how his life experience as an Asian American shapes how he plans to parent his daughter.  This piece was originally posted alongside reflections on race and parenting from two other Asian American adoptee parents.

Little Mirrors: Seeing Myself for the First Time

Megan Youngmee, a Korean Adoptee and mother of three, reflects on what it means to see your features mirrored in the faces of the ones you love.

Top Stories of 2021 About Donor Impact Around the World 

The Child Brides of COVID-19

In India, and in developing countries around the world, the COVID-19 crisis has significantly increased the risk of child marriage. But one key factor continues to make a dramatic difference in the lives of vulnerable girls and young women: child sponsorship.

First Child in Cambodia Joins Family Via Domestic Adoption

In Cambodia, Holt’s social work team has helped to develop three care alternatives for children growing up in institutional care — kinship care, foster care and for the first time, a formal, ethical system of domestic adoption. In March 2021, the first child in Cambodia joined her adoptive family via this new process.

COVID-19’s Global Impact on Children: Mental Health

The COVID-19 pandemic has caused an unprecedented amount of stress and anxiety — especially among children and families in Holt programs around the world. Learn how Holt’s on-the-ground team in Pune, India is helping to address this mental health crisis and protect the overall wellbeing of sponsored kids and families.

Children of the Red Stone School

This garbage dump outside Ulaanbaatar is a place where no child should ever be. But the Red Stone School is a way out. These are the stories of some of the children who go there.

Pandemic-Proof Care for Children

Children living in orphanages with special needs like Ping deserve to be healthy. In 2020, Ping urgently needed surgery. But due to COVID-19, he couldn’t travel from his orphanage to receive care in Beijing. That’s when Holt China staff, generous donors and local doctors stepped up to help — working remotely to ensure he receive the medical care he needed!

Top Adoptive Family Stories of 2021

One Family’s Story of Adopting from South Africa

Adoptive mom Amanda Kick shares her family’s story of adopting two children with special needs from South Africa, where Holt just launched our newest adoption program.

Thoughts on Older Child Adoption from Experienced Parents

If you’re considering older child adoption, one of the best things you can do is seek advice from other families. Families who have worked through many of the same fears or concerns you’re now grappling with, and who have gone through the experience of helping an older child adapt to a new country, culture, language — and, in many cases, to life in a family instead of an institution.

Our Story of Adopting from South Africa and Becoming a Transracial Family

Adam and Erin Turner share about their experience becoming a transracial adoptive family as they welcomed into their lives two children from South Africa, the country where Holt recently launched our newest adoption program.

International Adoption in the Time of COVID

Hannah and Paulo Lee were nearing the end of their international adoption process from Korea when COVID-19 became a global pandemic —  shutting down travel and causing obstacles they never could have expected.

My Thoughts on Transracial Adoption

Adoptive mom Laura Broadwell shares what she has learned about the complexities of transracial adoption in the more than 20 years since she adopted her daughter from China.

The post Top Adoption, Adoptee and Donor Impact Stories of 2021 appeared first on Holt International.

On the morning of July 7, 1999 — a day of lucky 7s — my life changed. After many months of waiting and nail-biting anticipation, I received a package in the mail containing my daughter’s referral photo. Before I knew it, I was one step closer to becoming a mother.

Du Xue Jing — as she was then named — was 7 months old at the time, but her little moon-shaped face, wise eyes and pouty lips already suggested that she and I would be great friends, a dynamic single-mother-and-daughter duo. At the age of 42, I felt humbled by the confidence instilled in me by adoption officials on two continents and blessed to be given this opportunity to become a mother.

Within weeks of receiving my referral, I was off to central China to adopt my baby daughter. I decided to name her Eleni, in honor of my mother, born in Greece; and I kept Xue Jing as Eleni’s middle name, in tribute to her birth country. I hoped the significance of both names — Eleni Xue Jing — would link my child to her present and to her past and reflect the breadth of our tricontinental, interracial family. Engulfed by love for my daughter (not to mention new-mother fatigue), I looked past our physical differences and never dreamed of a day when the disparity in our races would be a concern.

In 1999, U.S. families adopted more than 4,100 children from China, and as I walked around our leafy neighborhood in Brooklyn that summer, I was certain that many of those families had landed near me. Day after day, as I pushed Eleni’s stroller down wide, busy sidewalks, I’d pass other white parents with small children from Asia. As we crossed paths, we’d nod at one another, smile in recognition and often stop abruptly to have a conversation.

“How long did it take you to adopt?” we would ask.  “Is your child sleeping through the night?” “Have you found a good pediatrician?” “Do you want to get together for a playdate?” Suddenly, I had a built-in community.

That’s not to say that Eleni and I didn’t venture out into other parts of our city. On some days, we’d stroll over to our local Korean green grocer to buy fresh fruits and vegetables. I laughed when this man, whose store I’d shopped at for years, took one look at Eleni and smiled at me for the first time — ever. On other days, we’d take the subway to Chinatown in Manhattan, where waiters circled our table in restaurants, giving Eleni the star treatment while presenting her with kid-friendly chopsticks.

As Eleni grew older, she and I ate traditional moon cakes at Autumn Moon festivals. We bundled up in the cold to watch dancing dragons wind their way down frenetic streets in Chinatown during Lunar New Year celebrations. We traveled mostly in white circles but lived in a racially diverse, multi-ethnic city.

The question of race — and what my daughter might experience — didn’t really cross my mind then. As one of many interracial families in our city, why would it?

In retrospect, my perceptions and expectations were perhaps naïve. In her early years, Eleni attended schools and played on sports teams that were largely white but also had kids of all races, including Asian. For the most part, we were insulated as a family from the kinds of comments — and racial slurs — that we might have endured had we lived in a less diverse environment.

The question of race — and what my daughter might experience — didn’t really cross my mind then. As one of many interracial families in our city, why would it?

Still, there were the off-handed remarks and gestures made by children on the playground about the shape of Eleni’s eyes. There was the Asian boy in middle school who referred to me as a “bad Asian mom” because I failed to prepare rice for Lunar New Year one winter. (“My mom’s white,” Eleni shot back, hoping to correct him once and for all.) When Eleni traveled to outlying white suburbs to play with her soccer team, parents on the sidelines would sometimes refer to her by her ethnicity during a game.

“Watch out for that Chinese girl!” a dad would say as Eleni was closing in on the ball or about to make a play. She listened as friends told her they considered her white “just like us,” or better yet, that she was an Oreo, “yellow on the outside, white on the inside.”

But it wasn’t until Eleni was in high school that I began to see my race as part of the equation. One day Eleni came home from school talking about an article she had read called “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack” by Peggy McIntosh. Not quite understanding how my race afforded me privilege, I read the piece myself and was struck by the notion of how seldom I thought about my whiteness.

For the first time, I considered these questions: Did being white hamper my ability to move freely through the day — my world — without fear or repercussion? Was I often made to feel “othered,” even though I grew up in a multi-generational family of non-native-English speakers?

Was my race a liability — or used against me routinely — in any way? Was I viewed as a perpetual foreigner, or (just as insultingly) a model minority? Was I ever confused with another white person who resembled me vaguely, or told that all white people look alike? In most cases, the answer was no.

At the age of 23, however, my daughter has had a different experience in the world. For four years, Eleni attended a predominantly white liberal arts college, known for its small class size and low professor-to-student ratio. Yet on more than one occasion, a professor would transpose Eleni’s identity with that of another Asian student, calling each by the other’s name, even though they looked nothing alike. (This didn’t occur among white students, incidentally.)

During a semester abroad in Europe, Eleni was sometimes catcalled by men who used the native word for Chinese, or who spoke to her in a mock Chinese dialect. In America, Eleni has been asked questions — by the security guard at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, an Uber driver and others — that imply that she is a perpetual foreigner: “Where are you from? Have long have you lived here?” “Where is your family from? Will you be spending the holidays with ‘your people’?”

Sometimes the questions are meant to be “conversational,” such as when a car service driver near her former college asked — and then proclaimed, “Did you go home for Christmas? It must have been nice to speak your native language and eat the food of your people.” But sometimes being viewed as a “foreigner” has had more serious repercussions.

Earlier this year, COVID-19 was rampant in New York City, and Asian people — both young and old — were screamed at to “Go home!” and blamed for the spread of the coronavirus. Elderly Asians and even some younger ones were brutally attacked while minding their own business on the street or doing a simple errand.

The news in the press and on social media was shocking, disturbing, devastating, and it took a toll on my daughter. Eleni suddenly felt scared to run in the park near our house, a place she’s frequented since childhood. She refused to ride the subway alone, as she had since she was a preteen. She became anxious to leave our home.

One night when the news was particularly bad, Eleni wanted to talk about it. Feeling weary of the never-ending fear of COVID and its restrictions, the general uptick in crime in our city and the horrible attacks on Asians throughout the country, all I could muster was a simple, “I’m so tired, Eleni. Can we talk about this tomorrow?” My daughter looked at me curiously and responded, “You’re tired, Mom? Think about how I feel.”

Due to no virtue or valor of my own, I could walk down the street freely (masked up and socially distanced), go for a walk in the park, run an errand, meet a friend, all without fear of retribution. The same could not be said for Eleni.

And there it was — another moment that made me pause.

Sure, I was having my own bouts of anxiety and fatigue, my own widespread concerns. But the truth was that none of them were connected to my race, my whiteness. Due to no virtue or valor of my own, I could walk down the street freely (masked up and socially distanced), go for a walk in the park, run an errand, meet a friend, all without fear of retribution. The same could not be said for Eleni.

Later that evening, I sat in the dark with my daughter, hoping to comfort her before bed. I thought about the ways in which I could protect her, much as I did when she was a baby, nestled safely in my front pack. I thought about how I could shake up the world and make it better behave. I thought about my love for my daughter, and how helpless I felt then and there. So I did what I’ve done so many times as a mother, in both good times and bad. I put my hand gently on Eleni’s back and told her we’d talk more in the morning. In that moment, in silence, it was the least — and best — I could do.

Laura Broadwell is a writer and editor in Brooklyn, New York. She was previously the editor of “Healthy Kids” magazine and a contributing editor to “Adoptive Families.” Her essay, “Life in Balance,” appears in the collection “Tick Tock: Essays on Becoming a Parent Over 40” (Dottir Press, 2021). 

The post My Thoughts on Transracial Adoption appeared first on Holt International.

More than 30 years after President George H.W. Bush signed a law dedicating May 1990 the first national Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month, Asian American history remains relatively untaught. Asian American history lessons are usually limited to a few major historical milestones, with less of a focus on the influential Asian Americans that contributed to our country’s history. In a recent academic study conducted by the nonprofit Leading Asian Americans to Unite for Change (LAAUNCH), researchers found that 42% of respondents couldn’t name a single influential Asian American.

However, for an Asian American adoptee, seeing a successful figure who is also a “racial mirror” (someone who looks like the adoptee) is an important part of building a healthy racial and adoptee identity. By giving them people to look up to who share their same race and/or ethnicity, racial mirrors allow children to develop positive feelings about their race. Learning about influential Asian Americans who have accomplished great things in history can help our adopted children dream big about their futures.

The post 10 Influential Asian Americans to Teach Your Kids About appeared first on Holt International.

In response to the tragic rise in anti-Asian violence, our post adoption services department recently partnered with Bethany Christian Services to provide a panel discussion on racial identity featuring several Asian American adult adoptees. During the live virtual event, panelists discussed the ways that parents of transracial adoptees can best help their children process difficult situations they face at school and in their communities. They also offered suggestions on how to discuss complex issues of race and adoption with their children.

Panelists concluded that one of the best things adoptive parents can do to support children who are facing aggression, bullying or hurtful comments is to validate the events. Adoptive parents can serve their children well by presenting themselves as safe and open family members who are willing to listen to their adopted child’s experiences.

Articles and Videos

Embarrassing Racism: The Burden of Being Alone by Steve Kalb, Director of Holt Post Adoption Services

I’m Not An Exotic Asian by Tara VanderWoude, MSW

Beyond Culture Camp: Promoting Healthy Identity Formation in Adoption — an academic study by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, from the Adoption and Foster Family Coalition website

Video: How to Process Anti-Asian Racism With Your Child by Cam Lee Small, MS, LPCC

Discussion: Should we (adoptive families) move to a more racially diverse area? by Cam Lee Small, MS, LPCC

Resources: Publications, Podcasts and More from Therapy Redeemed

The Adult Adoptee Newsletter from Holt International

Events

Teen Adoptee Group (Zoom Sessions, Summer 2021)

Circle Back Adoptee Mentorship

Adoptive Parent Workshop (Full during Summer 2021, waitlist for upcoming sessions)

Organizations 

Asian American Christian Collaborative

Stop AAPI Hate

Korean American Adoptee Adoptive Family Network

If you are an adoptive parent looking for support and resources for your adopted child, or an adult adoptee, our post adoption services department offers parent and adoptee education and counseling, summer camps, help with birth family search and more.

Holt Post Adoption Services

Holt offers lifelong support to all adoptees, adoptive families, birth parents, caregivers and others whose lives have been touched by adoption.

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The post Resources on Racial and Adoptee Identity for Adoptive Parents appeared first on Holt International.

At Holt, we reject racism and hatred in all its forms. We stand with our Asian and Pacific Islander staff, families and communities and are committed to ongoing work against injustice to create a better future for our children.

As we have since our inception, Holt International strives to support the diverse families, children, and communities we serve around the world and in the United States. Our program staff, adoption services professionals and post adoption teams continue to work providing one-on-one support, resources and education to adopted children and families prior to, during and long after adoption.

Holt Post Adoption Services

Holt offers lifelong support to all adoptees, adoptive families, birth parents, caregivers and others whose lives have been touched by adoption.

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The post We Stand By You appeared first on Holt International.

Foster care and adoption bring uncertainty to a child’s life. These children face a continuum of unanswered questions, searching for where they came from, who they are and who they will become. When looking at a child in the system from a bird’s eye view, most of their identity has been taken away from them, and everything they ever knew has vanished.

Now try adding race on top of that.

In transracial adoptions, a child from one race or ethnicity is adopted by an adult (parent(s)) of a different race or ethnicity. In most cases, these children are raised by the customs of the adults in their households. This means learning and following the traditions of the adults raising them. Although it is good to teach your child  the traditions/customs that helped shape you as a person, it’s also important to keep your child’s traditions/customs alive as well. Again, foster care and adoption bring uncertainty to a child’s life. If you as the caregiver are not also inviting your child’s race, ethnicity, where they came from, their cultural traditions/customs, etc., you are not fully inviting them into your home.

“I spent the first 12 years of my life thinking I was a little white girl. And when I found out that I wasn’t, it wasn’t just a revelation, it was an identity crisis.”

Children in the system already face a significant amount of trauma due to abuse, neglect or other hard experiences in their life. The one trauma that doesn’t get as much light, but is just as important, is the trauma they experience from losing their biological family and their birth place.

“I spent the first 12 years of my life thinking that I was a little white girl. And when I found out that I wasn’t, it wasn’t just a revelation, it was an identity crisis,” one adoptee shared on a 2018 episode of the podcast Code Switch, titled “Transracial Adoptees On Their Racial Identity And Sense Of Self.”

Adoption and fostering aren’t easy, but there are ways you can help a child of a different race and ethnicity feel more secure and safe in your home. You can:

1.     First talk with family and friends and see if transracial adoption is right for you before welcoming a child of a different race into your home.

2.     Find mentors and role models for your child of their race/ethnicity.

3.     Make new connections in your community with people who celebrate and observe the same traditions and customs as your child.

4.     Keep kids talking by finding time and opportunities for discussions about race and ethnicities.

5.     Acknowledge racism and help guide your child through racism.

6.     Embrace new traditions and cultures of your own, your child’s and others that are not within the origins of yourself or your child’s.

7.     Consider adopting a sibling group.

(Adopt Us Kids, 2002-2021).

Savannah Carter | Foster Care & Adoption Specialist

For More Resources

Ted Talks:

The Reality of Transracial Adoption | Kim Van Brun

Reclaiming My Voice as a Transracial Adoptee | Sara Jones

Adopting a Child of a Different Race? Let’s Talk | Susan Devan Harness

Podcasts:

Code Switch: Transracial Adoptees On Their Racial Identity And Sense of Self

Content on the topic of transracial adoption by youth adoptees, adult adoptees and adult adoptive parents:

The Archibald Project

Adoption by Family Type: Racially and Culturally Diverse Families

Perspectives of People Raised in Racially and Culturally Diverse Families

The post Transracial Adoption — Its Effect on Children and How Parents Can Help appeared first on Holt International.

My biological daughter is 16 months old. She is half Chinese, half Hmong, and I’m hyper-aware of how outwardly friendly new people are to her. I think this parallels the experience of many adoptees.

Babies, in general — just like young adoptees accompanied by their adoptive parents — rarely encounter blatant racism. Because of her age, the racism I experienced as an Asian American has not affected how I’ve raised her to this point. However, as I look into her future, I know that it doesn’t take long for racism to rear its ugly head — a fact that makes me anxious about my role as her father.

I have been called “Chink,” “Chinaman” and other derogatory names; complimented on my good English; asked where I’m “really from”; stared at; denied service at a restaurant while with a large group of other Asian adoptees; and the list goes on. There are other instances where I’m pretty certain race has played a role in how I’m treated, because it’s often assumed that Asians are passive and won’t speak up against unfair treatment.

These experiences, along with my education, have taught me that racism is real. Racism is perpetrated by individuals, but also embedded in the fabric of our society. And despite what society assumes, racism often targets Asian Americans.

I hold an advantage when it comes to teaching my daughter about racism because I study its complex history for my vocation.

I will make sure my daughter knows the history of Asian immigrants and Asian Americans, including exclusion laws that lasted until the 1950s and ‘60s; segregation that helped create opium dens, sunset laws and ethnic enclaves; internment and dropped bombs; as well as employment discrimination, racial resentment and hate crimes. These institutional forms of racism against Asian Americans have largely hinged on Asians being perceived as the enemy threat, forever foreigner or the model minority. And despite widespread beliefs that we’re living in a post-racial society, prejudice and discrimination continue to manifest in new ways.

But I’ll also need to remember that my daughter’s experiences will be different from mine. She’ll encounter things that I, as a male, didn’t face. I will try to foster an open and strong relationship so she feels comfortable talking to me about her experiences, whether positive or negative. And for the times that she might confide in me about an incident of racism or sexism, I will make sure to listen to her story and affirm her feelings rather than simply telling her to ignore what others say.

Lastly, I’ll try to impart on her the various privileges that she might carry. She is a citizen, and her parents are middle class and educated. There are so many groups and categories that society fears, demonizes or dehumanizes. I will teach her to love with all of her heart, but also instill in her that racism and other forms of discrimination are real. I will tell her that we should use our experiences (good and bad), knowledge and privilege to work with others and fight the many forms of injustice.

Dr. Kit Myers is an assistant professor of history and critical race and ethnic studies at the University of California, Merced. 

The post Thoughts on Racism From an Asian American Adoptee Parent appeared first on Holt International.

On August 26, 2020, the agency Spaulding for Children hosted a webinar on Transracial Adoption and the Black Lives Matter Movement with three panelists who shared their experiences of being adopted into households of different racial and cultural backgrounds. As the panelists explained, a “colorblind” approach fails to recognize the importance a child’s race and culture has on their identity and everyday experiences. When parents ignore their child’s racial and cultural origins, the journey to a healthy identity can be confusing, lonely and even traumatic.

The panelists offered some concrete steps adoptive parents can take:

• Educate yourself on your child’s racial and cultural background and potential experiences by reading books, listening to podcasts, studying history and more.
• Integrate and celebrate your child’s cultural and racial background in your home and daily lives. Consider buying toys and books, listening to music and watching movies that reflect your child’s heritage.
• Find and connect with a local community that shares your child’s heritage and experiences, including being adopted into a diverse family.
• Have conversations with your child early on about their interactions and experiences surrounding race and discrimination.

View the Spaulding for Children webinar on Transracial Adoption and the Black Lives Matter Movement! Or, see additional Race & Racism Post Adoption Parent resources on our website.

The post Why Transracial Parents Shouldn’t Be “Colorblind” appeared first on Holt International.

In this time when families are searching for resources to help talk with their children about race and racism, we’d like to share one of our favorite pieces from this curriculum.

Click here to read some of our training resources about race and racism. While they are geared toward transracial adoptive families, it’s an insightful piece and a valuable reference for every parent looking to discuss this sensitive topic with their child.

Holt Post Adoption Services

Holt offers lifelong support to all adoptees, adoptive families, birth parents, caregivers and others whose lives have been touched by adoption.

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The post Talking About Race & Racism appeared first on Holt International.

When you become a parent, your life as you’ve known it for the last 20, 30, 40 years comes to an (often unceremonious) end — and a beautiful, chaotic, enriching, exhausting, unbelievably fulfilling life begins.

Everyone knows that to be true.

But when you become an adoptive parent — even if you’re already a parent — your life will change in ways that aren’t common knowledge, and that are in fact uniquely specific to this uncommon and very special path to parenthood.

When you adopt, especially if you’re adopting transracially and/or internationally, life becomes more complicated not just for you, but above all, for your adopted child. And with this added complexity comes a greater need for self-reflection, forethought, adaptability and a willingness to step into roles you probably would not need to fill had your child never experienced separation or loss.

As you stand on the brink of this extraordinary life change, take time to consider the new roles and responsibilities that will become a fundamental part of who you are as an adoptive parent. You can’t prepare for everything. But you can — and should — prepare to:

Become Your Child’s Advocate

Prepare to advocate for your child’s rights and needs both at school and in your community. If your child has special medical or developmental needs, identify early intervention services and get your team of specialists together in advance. Prepare to be persistent, ask questions and advocate for your child to ensure she receives the care and support she needs to reach her potential.

If you’re adopting transracially, you will likely face intrusive but well-intentioned — or not-so-well-intentioned — comments and questions from strangers, acquaintances and even family members. Think about how you will respond in a way that affirms your child’s rightful place in your family, directs attention away from your child and toward your family, and empowers your child to respond when he inevitably encounters intrusive questions and comments on his own.

Just like any parent, you will need to stand up for your child and help your child learn to stand up for herself.  

Help Your Child Cope With Trauma & Loss

No matter where she’s from, how many caregivers she’s had to rely on, whether she lived in an orphanage or a foster family, or how old she is when she comes home, every adopted child experiences loss. A child’s separation from her birth mother is inherently traumatic. And when adopted internationally, a child also loses his language and culture. Children are individuals and how they grieve their losses will vary. But in their own way, every child grieves, and as an adoptive parent, it will be your job to help your child cope.

To be emotionally present for your child, you will first need to revisit — and address in healthy ways — any losses or traumas you yourself have experienced. If you haven’t worked through your own losses, your child’s grief may trigger your own, making it difficult to support your child during this vulnerable time.

Sometimes, supporting your child will mean giving him the time and space to grieve on his own. It may mean looking at pictures of your child’s birth parents or foster family with her and showing her that you value the life she had before she joined your family. It may mean comforting him while he cries. But it will always mean being supportive, understanding, patient and emotionally available as your child takes the time she or he needs to grieve. 

Embrace Your Child’s Culture 

When you adopt internationally, your child not only leaves her birth country to become a U.S. citizen. She also leaves her culture and all the familiar sights, smells and sounds that go with it. When you learn to cook Thai food, or hang Chinese artwork on your walls, or play Colombian music in your home, you provide comfort and familiarity — helping to ease your child’s transition home, but also showing your child that you value and respect the culture and traditions of her birth country.

As an adoptive parent, embracing your child’s culture may also require you to step outside your comfort zone and seek out more immersive experiences for your child and your family. Join an Asian-American community group. Visit a Hispanic cultural center. Connect with people who share your child’s heritage. Most importantly, make your child’s culture not just a part of your child’s life — but a part of your life.

Discuss Race & Racism, and Stand Up to Prejudice  

For many adoptive parents, talking about race and racism can feel uncomfortable or even taboo. No doubt, these are sensitive issues. But if you’re planning to adopt a child of a different race from your own, it’s absolutely critical to recognize that your child will not only have questions about why the color of their skin is different from yours — but that their identity as a transracial adoptee will be a key part of who they are.

As you embrace your child’s culture, you also need to embrace your child’s race. Children need to see themselves represented in the movies you watch, the books you read to them, the toys you buy for them, and the friends and professionals you surround yourself with. Most likely, your child will also experience racial prejudice at some point in their lives — and you may or may not be there when it happens.

As a transracial adoptive parent, it’s important that you grow comfortable talking about race and racism with your child in a way that affirms their unique heritage and identity, and empowers them to respond to prejudice — whenever and wherever it happens.

Parenting is hard. And in some ways, adoptive parenting is even harder. But don’t worry — once you’re in the adoption process, you will receive lots of support and training to help you prepare for the unique challenges and life changes that come with adopting a child.

And once home with your child, you won’t be on your own. Holt’s post-adoption team made up of adoptive parents, adult adoptees and social workers will always be available to help you navigate these issues, throughout your lives as a family. 

How Their Lives Changed

“Our lives have changed completely! We’ve been married, without children, for 10 years! The time we wake up in the morning has changed. The time we go to bed has changed. The amount of food we buy has changed. Even the amount of laundry we do has changed! On the other hand, we’ve also been provided with a new and beautiful sense of purpose and a lifetime to spend with two incredible souls that help us to grow every day.” — Bre & Drew Traver, adopted biological brothers William, 7, and Jeison, 4, from Colombia

“Your whole focus changes. Just like that. Your whole life changes and now it’s focused on taking care of these children and making sure they’re healthy and happy. And it’s a lot of laughs. They’re hilarious. A lot of fun. A lot of running around.” — Cara & Ryan Kirkland, adopted John, 6, and Andie, 3, from China

“One of our favorite bedtime books has a line that reads, ‘I wish you more pause than fast-forward.’ This seems to be the theme of our family’s new life together after bringing our daughter home just over two months ago … Our life is now mostly pause and way less fast-forward. We are learning to pause to play, watch, snuggle, adore and praise. The fast-forward reaction would be something like, ‘Oh good, she’s occupied, I have a moment to___.’ But then we’d miss an opportunity to pause to enjoy her and reflect back to her how wonderful and precious she is. The change is better for all of us, too.” — Joanna Floyd, who with her husband, David, adopted Nam Fon, 2, from Thailand

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